Rant

 There is an all-seeing overlord in the sky.

People don't die, they go to a better place.

Tooth fairy. Santa Claus. 'Nuff said.

The government will protect you. That's its job. After all, governments don't, say, incinerate 10s of thousands of people in their homes. 

Unless they're Bad people.

English folks came to North America to spread happiness just like the happiness they had in Britain.

They came to spread their religion because it helps people to be their best selves, and happier.

There weren't any people in North America, really.

Good thing the English could have Africans work for them.

You can be English, too! Even if your name is McCarty. Or Cerini. Or Wellendorf. That's practically the whole world!

Sorry. Slavery was bad. Now Black people are free!

WWI was necessary because a submarine sank our arms shipment that had passengers on it. And because their enemies spoke English.

WWII was necessary. It has nothing at all to do with how amazingly profitable it was. Anyway, the Japanese bombed Hawai'i, a country that just decided to give itself to us. 

Of course, Japanese people had to go to camps. The fact that we did not gas  them shows how charitable we are. Obviously they were spies. Just look at them!

Oswald was just one of those things. Oh, well.

Vietnam. Where shall I even begin?

Good thing English is such a logical language. No wonder everybody speaks it. Mexicans must have some kind of hangup, speaking Spanish.

Sadaam Hussein bombed the World Trade Center. After all, he's Muslim and the hijackers were, too. Just like the people who held our CIA agents hostage for almost a year in Tehran, so it's no surprise. They're probably just really easy to anger. Maybe it's the oil. Whatever.

Police officers are paid to protect us.

Good thing we have so many guns. They are really useful. Imagine if we didn't have any guns. We would be as messed up as Japan!

We live in a democracy. We can vote for any party we want.

We vote for the president!

I feel safer just thinking of nuclear deterrence.

Homeless people want to live like that.

We are free.